oh god i'm fucking hating things this morning. why? because like a tit i bit off more than i could chew and made a stupid fuckin decision. i formatted the work computer to 'fix a virus' (which turned out to be me accidentally kicking the reset button plug at my feet). in the process, i have lost all m y mail contacts, and am now unable to install the drivers for the network adaptor=no internet.

this i am typing from my laptop, where i'm desperately trying to get things going again. but all in all, looking forward to having mel walk in, having to explain, then to tristan, then hopefully get bailed out and spend the rest of the day fumbling to catch up all this wasted time.

idiot. idiot. idiot. yeah. and went to see a movie last night against better judgment, and now i'm creatively frustrated ahead of my railway house gig tonight. everything is fucked.

oh yeah, and feeling a bit of the 'why bother' too. i mean, after all, it's a nice job and all, but i'm realy struggling to sit in this shitty little office each day doing something without a perceivable reason. For me, the taste of coffee -- that's a reason. not the distant idea of some position of illusory power within this music industry. no matter how the size, shape and form of my life changes, it's not gonna make a difference to what i want most: the moment of sharing my creative freedom with others.